Is it even worth it.

Told my mother to buy milo packets but I don’t even have time to make myself a cup.
Weeks of unread 8 days.
I don’t have dinner with my family on weekdays anymore.
Grilled seaweed, original Pringles, fishball crackers, sour cream Ruffles. It’s been months since I enjoyed any of those.
Put an orange in the fridge last week and I have yet to eat it.
Even if I came back close to 12 or 12 plus at night, I will have a bowl of fruits waiting for me beside my laptop. Maybe that’s the place where I’m at most of the time when I am at home. I never finish the fruits, by the way. I remembered last night, this bowl of grapes, I only took three and went to reply my messages.
Recorded the EMAs last week and I have yet to watch it.
I don’t watch Happy Together anymore nor 9pm shows.
When was the last time I watched one of my VCDs?
I don’t even write in my schedule book because it takes up time too.
I don’t read the Lifestyle paper on Sundays anymore. I missed reading the comics section.

I’m not saying my home is just a shelter from the rain or a place for me to sleep in or some melodramatic crap. I have a home, where all the pieces fit, unconditional love, food, soft toy dogs to hug every night (I got like, 10 or more but only 2 sleeps with me.)

I just feel like I don’t have time for it and I don’t want to live to regret for not spending time at home.

Now, even when I’m home after 12, like last night, my mom will just greet me with, “Hi, Sweetie.” With a smile and not ask where I was. It’s like, it’s expected I won’t be at home early. She won’t call me unless it is too late. She told me I can call my father to come pick me up when ever I want or if I am too tired. I did that last semester and I have classmates saying I am too pampered (They are joking but there are truth in jokes), I should not call my father to pick me up since I can take buses. He will definitely say Yes to picking me up even at 2am.

Now half the buses I take are the last few buses.

Tears welling up in my eyes but crying is not going change the lifestyle I’m having now. I’m not depressed. Just tons of thoughts running through my mind.


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