I don’t know if it’s a curse or not.

“… And come on, you going into depression? Not in a million years.”

Dave told me that when I said I might fall into depression if I fail to learn the piano. I said that as a joke, though. Me? Depressed? Never :)

I don’t know if it is such a sad case that I am so genuinely happy everyday. I achieved that but sometimes I have to battle with myself about whether is that a good thing or not.

Kangling was being depressed about 1001 things lately and I don’t like how I can only feel 20% of what she is feeling. How the things I’m frustrated about is only 1% of hers. How I can be so fleetingly happy while she is stuck in a whirlpool of frustrating thoughts. I don’t like how I’m not that 1% who can understand her because I am so happy most of the time. When she went up and laid on Mandy’s shoulder, I felt so useless as a friend. Utterly useless. That she had to find someone else to understand her. I can’t sink into that depth of hers to say “I understand.” like Mandy.

I just can’t because all the bad things that happen to me are only hurts the surface. It doesn’t exact pierce through my heart or anything. Lucky me, right? I know. I have not felt sadness for a long time now.

Up till now.

Making people laugh is one thing. Making people genuinely happy is another. I can only do the first one.

Vincent was kind of raising my self esteem. Not that it needs any raising, it’s high enough. It came to a sudden drop somehow.

Sometimes, I feel like I just have to express my sadness here just so people won’t take it that I am “forever happy”. My blog is such a happy place. Just read it and you can find all the great things that happens to me every. single. day. Yeah, I’m that lucky of a person. I’m not feeling sad that I am so lucky. Just irritated I can’t feel exactly how someone is feeling. And it’s not just someone, it’s a best friend.


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