Chide.

I was feeling fine about my future, post-polytechnic. I went on with life thinking “So what if I can’t go into NUS and NTU. I can go anywhere else I want!” I can even go to the states if I want to because I have relatives there and I can save on lodging fees :D It came to a point where I didn’t bother applying for NUS and didn’t pay the application fee for NTU :|

My friends were all “Hey, I got into NTU/NUS!” and I would say, “WALAO, SO SMART.” and the usual congratulating words. I was okay with people around me going NTU and NUS :) It was all dandy until I saw Sherlynn getting accepted into NTU. She is one of the people I deem as perfect in my life! So, the thing is, perfect people have this huge impact on me :(

I spent the entire night from 2am to 4am thinking why I am not good enough to go into NTU or NUS :( I blamed myself for not working harder, not managing my time well (it’s always friends and CCA over academics ;)), my luck (I believe in luck!), being too easily contented about my grades(?). People with good grades get to choose where to go and people with bad grades just get limited choices. It’s like, we are being deprived of good education just because we have bad grades :( I even went to the extent of thinking I can just apply into a private University and then try for NTU next year. And if I miraculously get in, I’ll quit the private Uni LOL :| But I don’t like that I am 1 year behind! That’s pretty dumb thinking since I have a lousy GPA. Told Glenn and he felt like a loser too. I was comforted that someone feels the same way I did :| I eventually went to sleep but was shrouded in dreams and felt like death the next morning.

This brings me back to the time when I found this other perfect girl. It’s Javis’ twin, Davis’ girlfriend (now-ex), Karen! I am really not shy about putting people name up on my blog, aren’t I? ;) It is easier than so I have this friend’s friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother! So back to Karen. She is already perfect on the outside. Then I found out she is in NUS FASS = Smart, nice on the inside, etc. Stereotypes but whatever. I don’t know what course but for a few weeks I was going crazy thinking why I didn’t work hard enough to get into NUS. Maybe if I went into a JC, the chances will be higher! It’s really depressing :(

I got better when I stopped comparing and know that we are two different people after looooooong hours of reasoning from Javis.

By the way, I am totally fine now :) I decided on doing away with this post but I made in up in my head that night so I thought I might as well post it! I’m trying for SMU now :) Have to thank Herman for the information because I thought SMU doesn’t provide psychology! Javis and Rina has also been really great help in encouraging me and giving me hope :)

Hee hee, good luck to me!!! :)

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