It doesn’t always get easier.

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People think it gets easier because you slowly get used to your boyfriend booking in and out and from 1 month to 5 months, they think it gets better but, it doesn’t always feel that way. I’m not sure if I have accepted this whole army thing and even if I did, it’s alternating between denial, depression and acceptance. And I am slowly getting aware that I might be using denial to help me get through the week. I love denial. Denial protects you from getting emotionally hurt. It keeps you happy but once it leaves, the agony just feels 10 times worse. It’s like a pain killer.

Two weeks ago we had a stay-in movie date. We watched Silver Linings Playbook. Everything was perfect until I realized he will be booking in that night. I buried my face in his shirt and started crying. He panicked and asked “Why? What happened?”, I said, “because we can’t do this tomorrow.”

Today, I sent Javis to camp with his parents. We were holding hands in the car and he started squeezing it really tightly. That’s when I realized we are going to be apart for another week. Of course I stopped myself from crying in the car.

Days when I don’t send him in is better because I don’t think about it. I do things, forget about the time sometimes and *bam he books in.

Of course, we have no choice but to get used to this routine. Because he is in commando he only gets to book out on Saturdays. Because he is in the leaders course he starts to book out on Saturdays earlier than the others and has to go to Taiwan for a month. Our weekends are shorter than everybody else’s.

This sadness only pops up on Sundays. I’m fine on other days because thankfully, Javis and I have FaceTime and I have my friends and family :)

On the bright side, he completed 20% of it already! :) and I am extremely proud of where he is now! I love you, Javis :) I love you with all my heart :) Oh, and because Deepavali is this week, Javis gets to come out on Friday :) You just have to notice the little good things and you’ll feel better :D

Food is from Tiong Bahru Bakery. It was crazily packed so we ordered take out and brought it to this nearby place. The croissant and brownie were heavenly. Will be back when it is less crowded!

Stay strong to all the girlfriends whose boyfriends are serving the nation! We will get through this :)

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