Death and dying

My grandaunt just passed away at the age of 93 last night.

She was the healthiest 90 year old I had ever come across. Only 3 weeks ago, I went to her house on Chinese New Year and she kept asking me to eat.

Then last week she was sent to the hospital because her stomach and liver has stopped working. So I think, last night, her heart did.

Exactly one week later, is her grandson’s wedding. My mom put it in a way that she chose to pass away exactly a week before so on the day of the wedding, they don’t have to worry about her. She also chose to pass away after all her family members have left for home.

My grandaunt is super close with my grandma. I think that’s why my grandma didn’t want to visit her in the hospital at all. She told me to not go there too.

My mom went almost everyday. Our first thought was that she was just a little too nosy because we are close but not that close. Then she confessed that when she had surgery almost 20 years ago, grandaunt came down and visited her as many times as she could. So my mom said it’s her way of reciprocating which is by visiting her after work everyday she is in the hospital.

I am glad she lived a full life. At age 93, that’s a mighty long life. She already has great grand kids too.

I am someone who, at this age of 21, cannot grasp the whole concept of death and dying. I cannot understand its finality, that it is inevitable. It’s something that you cannot escape from.

I started playing Sims around last year. I didn’t know that you can choose to stop your characters from aging. My two main characters died and they were begging the grim reaper to let them off, their children started crying, the man died first then I saw how lonely the woman was. I thought about death for a week. I have to go through generations of dying. I can’t prolong anybody’s life. One day, I’m going to have to see people I love in a coffin.

Javis can’t even talk about death. He told me once he wants to die at 30 so he doesn’t have to see anyone he loves, die.

Chinese new year will never be the same as this year. At least she pulled through after all the festivities. I won’t see her at the Lee Foundation lunches as well.

It’s sad. When someone passes away, your life still goes on. That’s the only thing I hate about life, I guess. Is that it ends, for everyone.

and now I am starting to feel pissed that my grandma might not be able to see my kids because I am not going to get married so early. I AM ONLY GETTING MARRIED AT 30 OMG THIS PISSES ME OFF SO SO MUCH. ZZZ.

Sadness is turning into anger. I’m going to go back to We Got Married.

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One thought on “Death and dying

  1. Life and death: it’s always on that line. That’s why we all always have live each day to fullest with no regrets and face every challenges with laughter. 要活的萧洒活的有滋有味:)

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