I know I wanted to add something about the movie Inside Out with the post about my bruises but I forgot. I remember what it is now.
Like everyone, I cried like a baby during the show. Maybe not sobbing but there were enough tears.
You know how Joy kept pushing Sadness away because she thinks she is bad? Like, Riley shouldn’t be sad at all. That’s the perfect life, isn’t it? But, I love how it was Sadness that saved the day. It was being sad that allowed Riley to feel again. Those core memories turned blue when it was near Sadness because she was suppressed for too long. Sadness kept wanting to turn it blue unintentionally. Being sad means you are facing it head on. Too many of Riley’s sad moments are being blocked out so she would be happy. Of course, that will come back and slam you in the face.
The plot of Inside Out resonates deeply in me. I’m not a sad person. I get sad but I choose to be happy more. Yep, I can choose. I don’t cry or get sad in situations, especially when there is a crowd and I don’t want to make it weird for anyone. I do cry when I am alone or with one or two people. I allow myself to cry, then. I don’t know how to explain it properly but I can pick my emotions. Someone, I forgot who, said I can manipulate my emotions and I felt annoyed because manipulate isn’t a very nice word to use. I cry when I feel it is okay to cry.
I choose to give myself a choice. I choose to see the happier side of things. I choose to feel what I want to feel. I don’t let myself be sad as much as I let myself be happy so when I cry, I don’t cry softly and gradually. Instead, sadness hits me like a truck and I just feel my nose sting and the next thing I know is that I am crying. I understand how at the last part, Riley’s emotions start building up and she burst into tears. I know that all too well.
I wouldn’t say I turn a blind eye to being sad or I completely don’t allow myself to cry or to feel. I just choose what I want to feel. I choose to be the master of what I should feel. I don’t find a lot of situations to be sad actually.
Of course, sometimes the sadness is too overwhelming that I can’t block it out or stop it from happening. When that happens, I just let myself be sad. Being sad is a very strong emotion. When you are happy, people don’t say you are emotional even when being happy is an emotion. You are emotional when you cry. Be it sad tears or angry tears. I like being sad but not too much. I feel that being sad makes me more of a human.
To feel, is only human, isn’t it?