I never wanted to stay for long but I guess I have worn out my welcome. I did what I always do. I pushed your buttons. It’s so normal to me and that is scary but I don’t care.
However, you couldn’t take it this time.
I felt anxious for the first time in a long long time. I felt my heart pounding, my hands shaking, my fingers rubbing my phone’s casing. I said sorry for the second time in your life. Then, I said my fifth sorry. I don’t say sorry much because I take things for granted. It’s not an ego problem but because forgiveness comes so easily, I don’t bother with it anymore. Plus, you are tied to me forever so who needs apologies.
I found her shaking too and she cried. I think they were disappointed but I don’t blame them. I wasn’t good for all of you, anyway. I cried too.
I wish I could run away but I can’t. I’m too much of a coward and my ego is still manageable.
I don’t have regrets about making you who you are today because that’s how I always live. But if I do have one, it’s how I couldn’t save all of you from me.
“You will regret it if he dies.”
I said I won’t.
After what I’ve done, it’s too late for regrets. I’m not going to repent because I don’t do that. Things weren’t that bad if she didn’t come into the picture. I could blame her but that’s just finding excuses for my behavior and I try not to do that.
I wish I could save all of you from me but I can’t. I can’t because all of you are stuck with me. There are choices I can’t make and this is one of them.
I can’t expect all of these to go back but we have to