Stuck at a crossroad

“When I was younger, I wish someone had told me straight-up that not all adults experience “a calling”. That many of them never find particular purpose in a career. That sometimes, their job is just what pays the bills and they have to seek satisfaction and fulfillment elsewhere.
Because as an adult, this pervasive notion that there exists a perfect path for everyone, that people should love what they do, and that work is meant to function as a vehicle for fulfilling a person’s grand life destiny is not only inaccurate for many of us, it can be toxic.
The ideal is so ingrained that I have to remind myself constantly I’m not a failure because I don’t adore my job, and because I’m not rocking the world with my work. That is okay.
Sometimes, work is just work. There isn’t always a perfect career path, magically waiting to be discovered. There might not be this THING you were born to do. Sometimes, you discover that what you really want to be when you grow up is “paid”.”

(source)

My generation is brought up to think we are special, that we are meant for something more. That we should be travelling and be in jobs that doesn’t make us dread going to. If we feel like we aren’t “suitable”, we quit and find something else and that’s what make us the strawberry generation. We can’t just be in it for the money because the voices at the back of our head would say,

“You are not meant for this, you should be making a change in the world. You’ll be happier somewhere else. What if the people there are nicer? YOLO. You deserve a life of no worries. etc.”

I want to think I am special. I want to think I am something more than just the mundane life I will be leading. But maybe the life of paying bills and heading to a job that you might not be in love with is what it should be.

Hoya (from Infinite) said something and it stuck with me. He mentioned a quote,

“They say people die at the age of 25 but only get buried at 70.”

and he said he was grateful that at the age of 25, he is still living his dream.

What this quote means is that we have dreams and wish and work to fulfill it until 25 because that’s when reality sets in; you need to get a job that pays the bills and work for the next half of your life.

As much as I don’t want to die at 25, some of us just aren’t lucky or are maybe too protected and dare not go beyond what is expected of us to achieve what we want. Maybe we lack things like the funds, or the motivation or what we want isn’t concrete enough that we would lose everything for it.

I’m going to be 23 soon and I’m stuck at a crossroad; too protected to take risks but too self absorbed and stubborn to lead the life everyone is supposed to lead.

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