I have so much I want to say

So much going through my life right now and I’ve never been happier.

“I mean, I don’t know,” she says. “I just sometimes hoped that I could have something more than fine. Someone who made me feel like I hung the moon. But I sort of stopped believing that existed, I think. And I figured, why not marry a guy like Mark? He’s a nice guy.” — Gabby (Maybe in Another Life)

I think it’s one thing to find someone who makes you feel like you hung the moon, it’s another to find someone whom you think, hung the moon and placed every single star in the sky.

When all you want to do is give and give and give and it’ll be okay if nothing is returned because that person’s happiness is above your own. It’s so unconditional and very much what I have been wanting and wished for for a long time.

I’ve always been plagued with this question since primary school. Yes, since then. I get asked or I ask it around.

“Is it better to have someone you love but he doesn’t love you back or having someone who loves you but you don’t love him.”

Yes, it’s pretty extreme and there are definitely conflicting explanations; I’ve heard plenty. I’ve always wanted the former but I think it’s kind of sad too if the person doesn’t love you back. So being selfish people, eventually growing up and experiencing shit, you’d pick someone who loves you more. So protected and safe, who cares if sparks didn’t fly. He loves you, he places you on a pedestal, that’s enough right? As long as your heart is guarded.

No. It isn’t enough. You’ll stay up all night thinking if this is right. Thinking if you could have something more but at the same time you tell yourself to be contented with what you have because who are you to be so self centered. Thinking that it’s okay. Maybe in another life because the life you are leading now is okay. Not the best but it’s fine.

So things happened and I was left at a place where I could think for myself again.

Then, I found you.

I found the feelings I wanted to experience at full blast for a really long time. It isn’t even emphasized because it’s there. It’s just there in full scale and it’s the best. To really open up your entire heart, to not care about guarding yourself, to just love someone unconditionally despite how unexpected it is.

The universe treated me well. I’m a very lucky person. Not because I found you but it moulded me to the person I am and that brought me, you.

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